Henny Penny, Straight No Chaser

Oh Baby, this is the motherload of favourite moments! Mother Cluckin' Henny Penny!

So, for you morons out there who don't know the awesomeness that is Henny Penny, let me drop some learnin' on your ass. Dorothy's school gets to put on a school play to get children interested in reading. Her class picks Henny Penny, then they all die of the plague. Ok, not really. But they do get sick and all have to drop out. However the shown must go on, and so Rose, Blanche and Sophia all pitch in to make the play a success.

Do I need to tell you the story of Henny Penny? Well, I'm not going to. Look it up you lazy jerks. I know you have the internet!

Rose gets the titular role of Henny Penny, a clueless twit who gets hit in the head by an acorn and thinks the sky is falling. Blanche is Goosey Loosey, because she's a ho. Dorothy is naturally Turkey Lurkey, and she steals the show with her awesomeness. Sophia plays the Narrator. They are all A++ in my book! The song is awesome, the costumes are great, I love how each girl moves like each specific barnyard fowl (though Rose does it the best).

Brace yourselves, here it comes:

 Also, once you've watched it through a few times, go to 4:06. Dorothy's "Help!" is the very bestest.

Also also, Foxxy Loxxy is played by George Hearn, Broadway's original Demon Barber himself, Sweeney Todd. How perfect is it that they end up getting cooked in the end?

Golden Quote of the Day

Blanche has been researching her family tree to prove that she is 100% Southern, and is explaining to Dorothy how genteel and polite and demure Southern women are.

Golden Quote of the Day

Golden Quote of the Day

Goolden Quote of the Day

Golden Quote of the Day

Golden Quote of the Day

Golden Quote of the Day

Young Girls

Seriously. How much do I wish it!

Also, technically that is a young version of Sophia. Just sayin' is all.

How much does Lynnie Greene look like Bea Arthur here? So much! Incredible casting, she makes the perfect younger Dorothy. Maybe that's why we never saw a young Rose or young Blanche...they couldn't cast anyone nearly as awesome as they did for Dorothy. Mystery solved!

First Line, Last Line

Dorothy's first and last lines

Episode 1, Season 1: The Engagement

Dorothy: I taught a class today, the finest school in Dade County. Two girls had shaved heads and 3 boys had green hair.

Episode 24, Season 7: One Flew Out Of The Cockoo's Nest Part 2

Dorothy:You'll always be my sisters. Always


Editorial note: Sniff! Must have got some dust in my eyes...(Goes off to cry in a corner).

Golden Mistakes

In season 6 Dorothy mentions that she always wanted a pet, a pony specifically. She mentions how she never had a pet before, with the exception of a little paper bird on a stick.

However, in season 2, episode 9, "Joust Between Friends", Dorothy doesn't like the stray dog Rose has brought home. Over time they do grow close, and Dorothy confesses to dog that she did love a dog once, Schnauzer named Wawa who had been their family pet and whom their daughter Kate had named.

So which one is it Dorothy? No pet but paper bird or Wawa the Dog?

The Two Merry Widows

From Season 1, Episode 18 "The Operation"

I always thought Dorothy was being a giant bitch at the end of this episode (see bottom panel). It's not Rose or Blanche's fault she couldn't participate in the show, making them have to change their act and cut Dorothy out.

Also, how cute are they in their sexy little tux suits? Too cute!

Golden Quote of the Day

Blanche: What do you wear to a sperm bank?
 
Dorothy: Something attractive in rubber.
 
Blanche: I have that.

Golden Quote of the Day

Dorothy: Why can't you sleep on the couch and give Clayton and Doug your room?
 
Blanche: Are you crazy, what will the neighbours think if they see two men in my bedroom?
 
Sophia: They'll think it's Tuesday.

Golden Quote of the Day

Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma. That's superstitious nonsense. You know, step on a crack, break your mother's back. It doesn't work. I know. [ominous pause] I tried.

Golden Quote of the Day

Dorothy: You're not getting into this bed! 

Stan: Then where am I supposed to sleep?

Dorothy: On the floor, like any dog!

The Little Man in the Freezer

Oh Rose, you are a classic!

Anybody else saying that would just sound absurd. You just can't help feeling for poor Rose though, you know she is genuinely afraid.

Also, the glasses are awful.

Golden Quote of the Day

Part of my Heritage

What'll I Do?

I enjoy all the singing the girls do. Really, they might not be the most stunning vocalists, and we often only get to hear bit parts of the songs, but there is something great about their musical performances that I just can't put my finger on. It might be that they remind me of family, my family. My mother and my aunts, and every family get together over the last 30 years. One will start humming, another will butt in with a few words from the chorus, and before any one knows exactly how it's started they've been singing mouldy-oldies for an hour.

This performance is hands down my favourite. Dorothy has accompanied Blanche to the Rusty Anchor, tired of being single and alone, and is promptly dumped by Blanche in favour of getting as much attention possible (from as many men as possible). Dorothy sits down next to the piano and eventually begins to sing, gaining all the attention that Blanche was aiming to get.

Dorothy may not be the first songstress you would think of having sing Irving Berlin's "What'll I Do", and so many others have covered it who would seem more apt to do so, but as far as I am concerned Dorothy's version is the best. It both makes me cry and laugh, and her emotion shines through with every word. You can't help but love her, and her showmanship right there at the end always makes me smile. And as Blanche said "Dorothy, when you sing you light up the room. You do. You positively glow, you're beautiful."

Rest in Peace, Pussycat. You touched my heart.